What is it about birthdays that make people act a little crazy? This week had to be the most craziest I have ever seen it in a long time. First things first, Stephanie finally had Natalie Alexia on Tuesday, July 7 after only 2 1/2 hours of labor. She had no epidural and was a real champ!! Then on the way out of the hospital after visiting with the newborn, mommy and daddy ... we were talking and smoking outside and more drama happens.. a good friend of matt (Natalie's dad) was stabbed after being called out for a possible reconciliation with the ex girlfriend, who had planned the jumping ... needless to say, cops were involved and no arrests were made as yet, but only time will tell... Oh well, on to Wednesday, July 8th ... nothing exciting happened this day, just went and visited the new family at the hospital and skipped my morning classes because I was exhausted from the night before, then went to my evening class; which was boring as ever... why are some people so ridiculous in their mid 20's? they think that their comments can't be heard across the room? Baloney ... it can be! On to Thursday, July 9th ... first it is my brother's 18th birthday today, Congrats Joey!! and also Natalie and Mom came home from the hospital amidst a crisis in my own home. Why do I put up with such a pain in the butt for a husband? I will never understand why I continue to stay and deal with HIS bullshit on a daily basis. So what did I do, I escaped to my girl's house where I can relax and hang out without hearing constant complaining from my husband and kids... Also today, at school, we celebrated Mr. Dillard's birthday whose big day is on Sunday. We had ice cream cake, cupcakes, cookies, juice, soda, balloons, and a cheese and pepperoni tray ... YUM!!! it was delicious. So I am dreading this upcoming Saturday, which is my 31st birthday. I stopped celebrating a long time ago and yet my family is making a big deal about it. Who cares if I don't want a cake, who cares if I don't want a personal favorite dinner, who cares if I don't want to be bothered on that day? No one, that's for sure! Not one member of my family listened to me earlier tonight about MY wished for MY birthday, they just acted as if I didn't answer their questions. What a load of crap!! Just what I need to round out my day and my week. Why can't I just escape from it all? just for a few hours? But yet, I will be stuck doing nothing of importance because its not an important day. Depressing stuff !! But that is what life is all about !!
Why is depression so hard to shake? How can 1 person make you feel as if you don't belong in the same place as they are? or even the same earth? I feel like that more and more each day, that my sanity is slowing slipping away to a place that I can never reach to gain it back. How can I feel like this? Is something wrong with me to feel like this? I use this blog site as a journal of sorts, something to vent on without being questioned or even accused of being a little "nutty." I really don't care what people think about me, or what they say about me behind my back. I stopped caring about that a long time ago. But there are some people in this world, in my own little circle of friends and family, that think that they have to constantly put me down, or that they have to rip my dignity away from me, or to leave me so distraught that it makes them happy. Why do I put up with this? I wish sometimes I could just disappear with the kids and not have to look back. Change our names, faces, information, anything that is connected to us now and just disappear. How would the offenders feel then? Maybe it will be their turn to feel as I do. I doubt that will ever happen. For now, I plan on ignoring, and learning to live my own way without bending to their rules and their wishes.
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