Until I logged on to here, I didn't realize that it has been a couple of weeks since my last blog. Where does the time go? I am so busy with school, kids, football, and everything else in between that I barely have a chance to catch my breath. But enough about the mundane things that have been going on lately, let's get to the good stuff...
Well, where do I start? Let's see ... hmm... I am on my last term at school, graduation is looming up quickly, only 6 more weeks to go ... Yay Me !! Then I will be on to bigger and better things for sure, at least I hope so, but only time will tell... And hopefully that will include the friends I have made along the way. Some stressful issues have come to play lately, especially with my "midnight poker" player, and just some basic bull from some friends. I am a good person, I know I am. I make decisions, personal decisions, that I think are affecting me and me only. No one in my house knows exactly where I go when I go out, and they don't care to ask. What kind of situation does that show? Not a good one in my books... but it's good in the way that it allows me the freedom I crave to be a wild person for just that one night in time. And lately, it has been that one night in time situation, just because school and other obligations are demanding such a high priority in our lives. I wish for just one night that all the obligations that have been in the way of a midnight poker game would just disappear and allow the games to begin. But however, it hasn't and I am no longer sure if it will continue. I ask myself daily if this is what I truely want and is it what I truely deserve? Haven't I had enough of being the last person on someone's list? Obviously by the way I am barely hanging on to my secret, I haven't; which makes me question who I am and what the hell am I doing? I wish things were different, yet I have a instinct that they won't. For some reason, I feel as if my time spent with my midnight poker player was just a figment of imagination and wishful thinking, but I know that isn't right because I was there, playing along with the game and enjoying it to the fullest. Now I wonder, where did it all go wrong? Why isn't it as easy as it was then? Was that it? Or is there something more to come? I got asked if I was planning on leaving my husband, and truthfully, I am but all in due time. I have children to protect and care for and they are my first priority. I squeeze out time to text, call, or just IM and I get barely a nibble in return. Am I that much of an embarrassment to you? Or is the end near? Don't give me the crap about not liking what you are reading either cause I have had enough of the excuses. I want the damn truth and nothing but the truth. Since I am the one putting myself at risk for losing everything, its the least you can do.
Just Read so You know where I am now ...
